“I’m sharing this story to create more awareness around how being an active decision maker in your pregnancy, birth and postpartum period greatly influences your ability to have a positive experience through each of these stages.” ~ Jen Reddish
Birthing On My Own Terms:
Some background: After a lot of research and changing of plans, my husband and I created an incredible and empowering experience for our first birth, and we wanted to create the same supportive and undisturbed environment for this birth, too.
My husband and I felt so excited about creating the entire experience on our own terms from the BEGINNING this time. There was just one part that might not go our way – my sister Jessica (Birth Takes a Village) wasn’t sure if she would be able to make it from Vancouver to this birth. I did lots of research to find a skilled and knowledgeable doula in Calgary (Andi Johnson, Offbeat Doula) who I would feel comfortable having with us and who would also support me in making my own informed choices about the type of birth I wanted.
When it started:
The contractions first started when I was out for a walk at 35+2 weeks pregnant. It was the middle of summer, and the air was tainted with smoke from forest fires. The contractions were strong, but not painful. I wondered what was happening as I noted that it was much too early for labour to be starting.
At this time, I didn’t know about prodromal labour… but over the next 6 weeks while I impatiently waited for my baby to come earthside, it turned out I had a lot of of time to learn all about it.
This period of time was arguably one the worst times of my life. Every single night the contractions would start at around 5pm. They were strong, they were close together; and they lasted for hours until I would eventually fall asleep after they subsided when the sun started to rise in those early summer mornings. Four or five times during these 6 weeks, the contractions didn’t stop in the morning and just kept going through the day. These times I thought, “this is definitely it!”
I was exhausted from not sleeping and coffee barely helped me make it thorough each day with my increasingly energetic toddler. My mood and patience were low. I stopped making plans, thinking I would just have to cancel because surely baby was coming at any moment.
As I crept closer and closer to 40 weeks, my phone would be flooded with texts and calls every day asking how I’m doing and if baby had come yet, or if I was in labour, or if there were any signs of labour. I KNOW that these texts and calls were coming from a loving, well meaning place. And not for a second was I unappreciative of having loving people in my life who care about me …
HOWEVER… As I was going through this emotionally and physically exhausting time, trying to keep thoughts of when baby was arriving at bay… these inquiries made this phase so much harder for me. I didn’t tell many people about the prodromal labour because I was worried that people would think exactly what I thought: “baby must be coming any day now!” Which would’ve likely increased the flow of inquiries. So instead, I both directly and subtly tried to make it clear that I wasn’t loving these check-ins… while simultaneously distancing myself from my phone. I don’t think many people understood why I didn’t want to be asked, and this made some people feel upset(sorry mom & dad!).
[Here’s a P.S.A. on how helpfully interact with pregnant people waiting for their babies!]
And then somehow, when I reached 40 weeks, I was able to let go. I started making plans again and just accepted that sleepless nights with strong contractions were just a part of my life for now. Well-intentioned advice to get induced was coming from every direction, but I was determined to let my baby come on his own terms. To help myself with the wait, I convinced myself so well that baby wouldn’t be coming anytime soon, that when it was finally happening at just over 41 weeks, I barely believed it!
When it was finally “it”:
41 weeks + 1 day:
Thursday afternoon I lost my mucous plug. I thought… meh! This can happen weeks before baby comes. Jessica thought it was likely that my baby was on his way. “Should I fly there tonight??” She asked, knowing we had to play it safe for her to be able to attend this birth as she had to fly to Calgary from Vancouver. I said “No, I don’t think baby is coming tonight.” Not to mention this would be her THIRD time coming to Calgary for it!! I didn’t want to waste her time yet again. That evening, the contractions started again as usual at around 5pm but subsided in the late evening.
41 weeks + 2 days:
It was an early hot summer morning and although I felt uncertain if this was “it”, the contractions continually increased in strength (something that doesn’t usually happen when it is prodromal labour) so my husband started to get things ready. After a few hours of the contractions getting more and more intense, I headed down to the birthing space that my sister and I had created a few weeks earlier (when we thought I was going into labour the first time!) We had set up a cozy spot with fairy lights and birthing affirmations all around where I would be labouring. My birth team arrived over the next few hours.
When my sister Jessica arrived at 1:30pm I said “I think this is really it!” Although a part of me was still skeptical. After all… I was SURE it was happening many times and was wrong before!
The contractions were stronger than ever – even stronger than throughout my entire labour and birth with my first. I was finding them incredibly painful and so difficult to make it through. My husband Simon, Jessica, and Andi supported me by keeping me fed and hydrated, and helped me to relax through contractions by massaging my back, giving me hip squeezes, taking the pressure off of my lower belly by pulling it up with a rebozo baby wrap, holding my hands and saying my birth affirmations to me & with me. “Let go, relax your shoulders, relax your face, hands, belly and feet” I kept saying “I can do this!” And Andi would say “You ARE doing this!”
When my 3 year old son woke up from his nap, he came downstairs and said “mommy are you pushing the baby out?” And during contractions he would hop on my back and say “I’m here for you mommy. I’m going to help you push the baby out.” I had prepared him by watching lots of birth videos with him and talked a lot about what would happen at the birth, and I guess it worked!
3:00pm: Finally, I got into the birth pool. My birth team kept asking if I was ready to get in since I seemed to be seeking relief from the intensity of the waves, but I was resistant. I said “What’s the point of getting in if this isn’t really it?” They were all sure that this was really it, but convinced me it was okay to get in by saying that I would get relief from the hot water regardless of this being “it” or not.
The hot water felt incredible. The contractions continued getting stronger and my birth team continued supporting me through them, including my son leaning over the pool with his arms extended out towards me saying “I’m here for you mommy!”
I was determined to catch this baby myself this time. Simon caught our first, which was wonderful, but Jessica had mentioned prenatally that catching your own baby’s head can be gentlest on your tissues if it feels right to do so. Keeping my hand down low, I breathed my way through the contractions. Jessica coached me through each breath when I started to tense up which made a world of difference by reducing the intensity of the surges. She helped me to be more mindful of my breath and the process which reduced the pain dramatically.
It started getting so intense and although my son was being cute, I felt that I needed him out of my space. I knew I needed to get my needs met in this moment, so I asked my husband to take him outside so that I could have a quieter environment. Jessica seemed unsure of this and told Simon not to go too far because the baby was coming soon. Almost as soon as Simon got out the door, Andi ran after him because Jessica was right…my baby was coming!
Simon was back in position, supporting my back and hips. I felt the water bag come out, and soon after that, I felt the top of my baby’s head. What an incredible feeling! I felt his hair, and my own skin as it stretched around the top of his head. I was in total awe of my body at that moment.
Although incredible to feel, the intensity of the contraction itself was still really painful. I went from a semi squatting position in the pool to my knees, leaning my arms over the edge of the pool as his head came out further with the next contraction. I thought it was all the way out but realized it was still partially inside of me. Simon was behind me and Jess, Andi and Austin (my son) were in front of me. I felt like I had to let go of my baby’s head and asked Simon to take over baby catching duties. Simon said that our baby’s mouth was wide open and the bottom half of his jaw was still inside. Jessica tried to take a peek but I wouldn’t let go of her hands! She was stuck with me.
The next contraction scooted the rest of his head out and then I felt his little body rotating inside of me, which didn’t hurt but felt so strange; I didn’t remember experiencing this with my first baby. Then the rest of his body shot out, at 3:33pm, just 33 minutes after entering the birth pool! I swung my leg up and over to grab my baby from Simon’s arms and leaned back against Simon.
Our baby started nursing within a couple of minutes! Austin jumped into the pool to meet his baby brother up close. He was so excited!
The contractions for birthing the placenta started almost immediately and surprised me with their force. I held and nursed our new baby in the pool over the next hour as I endured intense and painful contractions as the placenta made its way out. Finally it came all the way out when Jess & Andi helped me to stand up. With support, I made my way out of the pool and onto the couch. Over the next few hours I continued doing skin to skin with Logan while nursing him, then Jessica and Simon and Austin burned the cord together (long after it had stopped pulsing) to separate baby Logan from the placenta.
Logan weighed in at 9 pounds, 4 ounces. (2 pounds 2 ounces bigger than my first baby!!) I tore slightly but it was minor; less than I had the first time. After being checked out a few times over the next couple of days (by my doulas, a midwife, and a nurse… goodbye modesty!), I decided to allow my tear to heal naturally with bedrest. I really prioritized resting my body to allow recovery, and I healed rapidly.
Although it was incredibly difficult and painful, I felt strong, capable and confident throughout my labour and I credit this to my amazing birth team for having complete faith in me, as well as my own trust in the process which I built up as I prepared myself during pregnancy for both of my births.
I strongly believe that as women, we must listen to our bodies and trust our intuition to make the best choices for ourselves. For some, that means lots of medical support & assistance at home or hospital. For me, this is what it looked like. No, I’m not brave, no, I wasn’t lucky, though that’s what some people seem to think about birthing at home. I made conscious and well informed decisions throughout both pregnancies and births. My birthing choices are not for everybody, but I chose what, for us, were the best and safest options for myself, my baby, and my family.
I am also very fortunate to have a husband who learned about birth alongside with me ever since we began trying to conceive with our first; and my sister Jessica has been educating me as she has journeyed through the last 8 years in her Vancouver birth practice. Jessica’s knowledge and support is invaluable and I am so grateful to have had her attend both of my births. When I started talking with Andi, I knew that she was also a great fit for us and our birthing plans. Having these three by my side throughout my pregnancy and birth with Logan gave me an incredible and empowering birth experience and I will be forever grateful.
Now for the postpartum:
My first few weeks postpartum were blissful.
During my pregnancy I was feeling anxious about what my postpartum period would be like this time around. I was feeling confident and prepared for Logan’s birth but I was worried – not only about how I would manage postpartum, but I was also worried that my anxiety about the postpartum period could impact my birth experience.
I decided to practice what I preach (in my counselling practice, I support women to prepare for birth & postpartum), and I sought out therapy for myself to process my concerns. After working through my anxiety with my therapist, I felt much more prepared. I realized that despite how hard it is to ask for help, getting support so that I could rest during the weeks following this birth was more important than anything.
I made it clear to my husband how important this was and he arranged to have 3 weeks off of work – despite this being “frowned upon” amongst the men in his industry. I also arranged with my mother to have her come help out for the first week, and spoke with friends to make sure I had back up. Since then, there have been plenty of ups and downs, but I had a wonderful first 3 weeks as I rested and allowed my body to heal while I had continuous skin to skin with Logan and established a great breastfeeding relationship.
I am so grateful that I pushed through my discomfort and vulnerability in asking for help and so grateful that I have supportive family and friends to help out! The “fourth trimester” is real, and rest and support go a long way in the first weeks and months after birthing.
Jen Reddish is the owner of The Essence of You and has been working as a counsellor since 2010. She opened her counselling practice in the fall of 2016, shortly after becoming a mother.
Jen has always been passionate about counselling and loves supporting women to connect to their intuition and their true selves. She has a gentle, yet direct approach and adapts her style to the needs of her clients in order to best suit each individual.
Check out her upcoming workshop: Preparing For An Empowering Birth in Calgary, Alberta.
Post Photos: Andi Johnson, Offbeat Doula, Calgary.
Thanks for sharing your story, Jen! Here in Vancouver, I have a February series of Birth At Home Prenatal Classes starting up in February for home birthing parents, AND a Wise Woman Way of Birth Doula Training running BC Day Long Weekend. Hang out here on my website for a while and check them out!
Jessica, Birth Takes a Village.
